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Viewshound Article: Scary Santas

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Here is my latest Viewshound humor essay on some unconventional TV and Movie Santas.

Santa Article on Viewshound (Please note Viewshound’s website was closed in January of 2012, the link no longer works, but you can read the article as it appeared below)

Not your grandma’s Santa

We think of Santa as a kind, old soul. That’s generally how he is portrayed on film, but every once in a while Santa plays against type.

By Paula Rosenberg – Tuesday 13 Dec 2011

Not your grandma's Santa

 As kids we are encouraged to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what gifts we hope to find under our trees. We generally think of Kris Kringle as the benevolent and jolly spirit of the season. He is usually portrayed this way in holiday films and TV classics such as Miracle on 34th Street andSanta Claus is Coming to Town. However, every one in a while St. Nick is shown in a slightly different light. Everyone once in a while we see a Rambo-esque Claus and there have even been depictions of some downright evil Kringles. Here are five Santas who are a bit more scary than merry:

Santa in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

In most of the claymation Christmas specials, we see Santa as the kind toymaker we always pictured in our minds. But, in Rudolph’s special Mr. Claus isn’t so jolly. He is scrawny and protests when Mrs. Claus insists that he eat up because the kids aren’t expecting a skinny Santa. He is unimpressed when the elves sing for him and can’t even fake a little enthusiasm after they poured their little hearts into performing for him. Worst of all he turns a blind eye to those reindeer who don’t invite Rudolph to join in their games. This is one Santa I wouldn’t leave cookies for.

Saint Nick the Nasty in The Hebrew Hammer

In this film we learn that there the Kringle dynasty has produced a number of different Santas, some nice and some incredibly naughty. The main Santa in this film is Damian who’s one of the later. He has the reindeer bump off his predecessor and plans to outlaw Hanukkah and Kwaanza. However, he’s not all that terrifying, that may have something to do with the fact that he’s played by Andy Dick. The really scary Claus in this film is Saint Nick the Nasty who has a brief appearance before the opening credits. The film’s hero Mordecai Jefferson Carver is spinning his dradle on the sidewalk when nasty Nick smashes the plastic top with his rubber boot and laughs in little Mordi’s face.

TV Movie Special Santa in Scrooged

This 1980s update of the Dickens classic featured a movie within a movie. Bill Murray’s Ebenezer-esque character was an executive at a television station producing a live taped version of A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve. That isn’t the only special the network is airing that year. The film opens up with a trailer for the fictitious The Night the Reindeer Died. Lee Majors busts in Santa’s workshop to save Kris Kringle and the Mrs. from the terrorists who’ve invaded the North Pole. However, this St. Nick is no damsel in distress. As he grabs his machine gun he informs Mr. Majors that he intends to walk out the front door. You don’t want to be on this Santa’s naughty list.

The Department Store Santa in A Christmas Story

Poor little Ralphie. All he wanted was a Red Rider BB Gun. Everyone told him that he’d shoot his eye out. He knew Santa would understand though so he waited patiently in line to sit on his lap. However, Mr. Kringle and his elves seemed to mirror the sentiments of his mom and teacher. This St. Nick in my book is the scariest. He has overly rosy cheeks and an intense scare. Even the “Ho, ho, ho,” he utters as he kicks little Ralphie down the slide gives me shivers.

The Earth Santa in Santa Clause Conquers the Martians

As this title may suggest, this was one of the worst motion pictures ever. It has now taken on cult status in a so bad it’s good kind of way. The Martians kidnap St. Nick and he is forced to build toys and create Christmas on Mars while simultaneously needing to escape death from several murder attempts by the evil Martian, Voldar. Spoiler alert: in the end this cunning Santa is able to save Christmas, escape death and Mars, and help the Martians establish their own Kris Kringle. Scary how resourceful this Santa is.

Article category: Humor
Article tags: St. Nick, Kris Kringle, The Hebrew Hammer, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Scrooged, Santa Claus VS The Martians, A Christmas Story, santa
Disclaimer: the views of the author are not those of ViewsHound or Publisha Limited.
Copyright © Paula Rosenberg, all rights reserved. License this in the Content Store.
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Written by paularosenberg

December 16, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Posted in Humor, Published Work

Tagged with ,

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